Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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