So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
