For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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