My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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