You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
