Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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