first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
