I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
