Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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