Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
