Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
