im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
two words: eviction party
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize