I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
