Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
