wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
