your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My balls are so social today.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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