I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
