every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
