we're chasing vodka with high fives
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
