Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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