Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
