im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
