I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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