Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
