yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i drank out of a bidet.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
