mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
