It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
