I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
try to milk me bitch
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