I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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