I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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