if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
