I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
