found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
