It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
