I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
