he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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