My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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