In the future we'll all be gay
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
