So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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