Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
