ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i already hear my dad disowning me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
