There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
