All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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