I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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