living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
