i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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