got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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