I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
