I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
