i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
